Posted in Christian Living, Family

Chaos at Home without a chain of command


“If she stands up. We’ll all stand up. It’ll be anarchy!” (One of my favorite lines from The Breakfast Club)

God created a world of order. Kind begets kind. An essential part of keeping order is the chain of command we talked about last week.

The basic building block of society is the family. If the family lacks order, it will lead to a chaotic society.

I believe we’re seeing proof of that very thing in American society today.

Children swear and tell their teachers, “I don’t have to do what you say.” What do you think it looks like at the house of said miscreant?

Chaos. Mom and Dad fight, or are rarely home because they have to work two jobs, or maybe they’re strung out on drugs. The kids have to fend for themselves.

That makes them think, “I’m in charge of myself.” That sentiment translates into a “you’re not the boss of me” mentality in every area of their life.

To avoid this, God set up a chain of command in the home.

God First

God’s Biblical Chain of Command translates into every aspect of our life: church, work, government and most certainly: home.

God is the Supreme Commander. Everyone in the home should be willingly submitting themselves to God’s authority.

No, they don’t have to do it. Things will get out of kilter in short order if they don’t.

Dad is the Head

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: “ Ephesians 5:23

Family COCThe head is the control center of the body. Our brain oversees every voluntary and involuntary function in our body. Sure, the heart might beat without our thinking about it, but if the brain shuts off? So does the heart – eventually.

This is the same in the home. Dad is the commander. He makes the rules and he enforces the rules. Everyone shows him respect.

When dads work hard and love their wives (Eph. 5:25) and children (Eph. 6:4), things run smoothly. Wives are happy to do their part and follow a man who honors and respects them. Children respect a father who isn’t trying to embarrass or humiliate them.

Dad must answer directly to God for the way he runs his home. If there’s chaos in today’s homes, it could be because too many of them have no dad or have a dad who isn’t standing up and taking charge.

Mom is NOT the Neck

“He might be the head, but I’m the neck” has to be one of the most demeaning things I have ever heard a Christian wife say about her husband – and herself.

Guess who controls the neck muscles in your body? Yep, the HEAD! Even the neck is subject to the authority of the head.

That is God’s plan for the home, as well. Wives are to submit themselves to their own husbands (Eph. 5:22). Submission is willing surrender. A man shouldn’t have to “get his wife under subjection” (another Christian phrase-ology I despise and find dishonoring to God’s plan for marriage).

Mom is responsible for plenty, but the final decisions and the repercussions from them – those are dad’s to bear. Mom spends more time teaching and training her kids, caring for the physical needs of the family and setting the overall tone in the home.

That’s right, moms. If there’s a negative vibe in your house, it’s probably due to something you’ve done or haven’t done. “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” is an old truism.

Women love, honor, and obey their husbands, and show the children the proper way to reverence him. Women speak the most words – and they should be positive ones voiced with a warm tone.

Children Must Honor and Obey

Children are at the bottom of this chain of command – regardless of how many of them think they don’t have to follow directions from any adult.

It doesn’t matter how many laws Congress might pass granting rights to children. The most important thing for children to do if they want a happy life is to honor and obey their parents (Proverbs 3:1-4).

A child’s first responsibility is to his parents: obey them.

Translation: kids do what your parents tell you. Obeying with a cheerful countenance and positive words is the best form of honor you can show them.

Considering the way so many children roll their eyes at their parents, mock them to their friends and flat out disobey what they’re told, there should be an epidemic of overweight eagles and blank eye sockets.

“The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it” Proverbs 30:17.

If there’s chaos around your house, it might be time to review this simple chain of command. Is dad leading and everyone else following? Does mom have the right attitude? Are the kids doing what they are commanded?



Freelance writer and editor whose background in education and BA in English Language & Literature amps her love of all things books. Twenty years of parenting and 26 of marriage gives unique insight to her preferred audiences of women, young adults, and teenagers.

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